How to Get Unfollowed by LAWBI

  • retweet Justin Bieber
  • show your belly by replying to my incredibly rude tweet about your tweet with kindness/cuteness and a friendly emoticon
  • stock tips?! STOCK TIPS?!
  • disparage curvy ladies, who are all more awesome than you’ll ever be
  • only tweet from Foursquare (you’re on thin ice, Jenkins)
  • tweet to clarify the “context” of your previous tweet
  • retweet more than one (1) stock contest tweet in any seven-day period–maybe if you got to work you could afford to BUY a fucking iPad
  • publicly beg a celebrity for a non-charity-related retweet (and yes, in this case Neil Gaiman counts as a celebrity)
  • earnestly praise something that is obviously, unarguably terrible, like racism or Metallica
  • three words: Tony Robbins quotes #killyourselfslowly

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