Above is a map representing reported coyote sightings on my home turf–Pinellas County, Florida.

1. Holy crap!

2. Apparently coyotes don’t care much for Madeira Beach, which is weird, because it’s the one beach where they’re cool about you having alcohol.

3. Props to that one guy for making it all the way down to Fort DeSoto Park.

Having spent a lot of time in Texas, I’m quite pro-coyote. And since no one else in Florida knows a damn thing about them, no one can stop me from becoming The Coyote Whisperer. And they will DO MY BIDDING.

(ABC Action News story here.)