Didn’t Some New Gadget Or Something Come Out Today?

So, the new Apple tablet — the iPad — is seen.

It’s not available yet, obviously, but after months of rumors, hoaxes and extra-viscous tech-fanboy drool, we know what we’re getting.

Check it out: If you’re in one room and your iPad is in another, all you have to do is think of your iPad and it will levitate to you. Think of your iPad and then think about how you could really go for some nachos, and your iPad swings by the kitchen on the way to whip you up a batch. Then your iPad settles down on the couch with you, telling you about breaking news or perhaps playing some mariachi music as you chow down. Best of all, when you’re finished eating and hearing about what’s on the Internet, the iPad gently brings you to climax via your preferred method of stimulation, then quietly does the dishes while you nap.

OK, so it doesn’t really do all that. (That would be the iDeal Life Partner.)

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