Like, white-white. Like, Scandinavian-albino white.
I can’t dance. I speak Spanish with all the liquid eloquence of a computer’s text-to-speech program. I only listen to hip-hop from the late ’80s and early ’90s. I like my seafood fried and my movies full of tits and fire. I fear slang, and coolness, and persons of color I don’t already know. I love the Christian God for giving me the personal freedom to do shady, selfish things, and for forgiving me when I’m done.
What I’m saying is, I’m so white, I could almost qualify as Canadian.