LAWBI #37: I Hate The Morning People

Are you a morning person?

I hate you.

“Oh, I was up before the nightly news changed over to the morning news. I watched the sunrise on the patio while I drank my cruelty-free probiotic organic tea, then I power-walked to Snell Isle and back along the shoreline, earning money for dyslexic war orphans with each step while a pod of frolicking dolphins high-finned one another and kept pace.”

Ugh.

I hope the rest of your day is a shitpile of traffic, secondhand smoke and fatty beef.

It probably won’t be; the rest of your day will probably be a satisfying succession of solved problems, productive coworker interactions and selfless gifts of philanthropy. You have the energy to do such things, because you’re awesome, possessed of boundless energies, a morning person.

You make me want to puke from both ends.

Read the rest at Creative Loafing …

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