LAWBI #61: On the Subject of Mountain Dew’s Kickstart

If you’re EXTREME, then you know that Mountain Dew is about to introduce a new “breakfast drink” called Kickstart.

A blend of “fruit juice,” less caffeine than the average energy drink and God only knows what else (seriously, I could not find a legit list of ingredients anywhere among the countless online news stories), Kickstart will be providing an EXTREME way to begin your EXTREME day before February’s end. No longer will you have to put up with such non-EXTREME day-starters as actual fruit juice, coffee, tea, smoothies, Bloody Marys, Gatorade, Vitamin Water, caffeinated water, regular water, boilermakers or Irish car bombs.

I know, right? Finally, breakfast in a can for people who aren’t following a weight-loss plan conceived in the ’70s. WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG, MOUNTAIN DEW?!

Says Greg Lyons, Mountain Dew’s vice president of marketing: “Our consumers told us they are looking for an alternative to traditional morning beverages — one that tastes great, includes real fruit juice and has just the amount of kick to help them start their days.”

Because no one is as qualified to determine the future of breakfast as the jittery, mostly adolescent cult following of a soft drink named after a bluegrass song about distilling moonshine.

Read the rest at Creative Loafing … 

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